Monday

Should new jeans be soft?
Should I feel this cold even though there is a roof over my head?
Should people keep their promise?
Should I study for Travel Writing?
Should I find the meaning of life?
Should I stop wasting my time watching Home and Away?
Should Christmas exist?


All these questions should be answered on a postcard for me. That would complete my life right now- knowing what everyone else thinks and therefore I must not llisten to what I think, which means I stop thinking and my mind wanders off and starts to hum bad eighties music... That is the life I want.

Wednesday

I have no regrets. Well, not alot. There's a few.

Oh dear lord what is to become of me?

My day has been spent day-dreaming mostly, I left my iPod at home for the majority of the day which is most unlike me. Listening to people around me, my feet slapping the pavement and the angry drivers all fuelled up for road rage are not adequate substitute or a soundtrack to my life. I have decided that listening to music whilst making the three minutes (I timed it) walk to college is far better for my own sanity, if nothing else.

So tomorrow I will not forget to pack it...

Tuesday

Winning had concerns that my Trainspotting review was too good.

I say if something goes well you celebrate it- criticising, when it is constructive is very important but I don't think Trainspotting had problems this week... after the get-in!

I have decided that the man from delmonte should always say no- otherwise he does way too much and all the oranges will fall out of the basket...

I get what I mean, it's like a wanky metaphor only better...

Saturday

Junkies take to the stage.-
UCC Dramat opened the season with Irvine Welsh’s hard-hitting play “Trainspotting” directed by Jody Quirke with Katie O’ Farrell as assistant director. This harsh worded, scantly clad out look of a suburbia hell brought to the fore by the flick of a heroin syringe is close to the bone for any audience. Quirke and O’ Farrell directed with unabashed liberties taken from the script and made the brave decision not to hold back with regard to content. “Leave your inhibitions at the door” was the advice in the director’s notes.
There must not have been many inhibitions in Cork City this week as the show’s entire run sold out. The success of the show is down to clear concise directing, a familiar and well liked story and a strong cast. With waiting lists attached to every night the show was, in the best sense of the word, a sell out.
Lighting and sound complimented the script and derelict train station set well. The cold truth of a blue light reflecting off the faces of the hopeless brought the cruelty of the characters world to the audience’s attention. The soundtrack was fitting with a nineties appreciation that had feet tapping at the end of scene.
Aron Hegarthy was leading man playing Mark. This was Hegarthy’s first Dramat show. He played the character with awash of humour, spot on Scottish accent and also gained the sympathy and empathy of the audience. He was clearly a perfect choice to lead this play. His supporting cast was flawless in their hard-hitting truthful monologues that were sporadic throughout the two hours run. This is hopefully not the last we will hear from this highly commendable and strong ensemble.

Ciara Guiry

Friday

auschwitz is the worst word in the world- I have tried to learn to spell it for the last ten minutes to no avail. It is driving me crazy, I can't imagine the housemates think I am that normal given I have been chanting the word for countless minutes n ow- they probably want me out.

I have an exam in.... under two hours. It is on the novel Times Arrow written by Martin Amis. Apparently it's great. The writer decided to confuse the shite out of me by starting the book at the end. As in we are first introduced to the book with the death of the Nazi Doctor (as he is referred too countless times online...) in an automobile accident in the U.S.

We are then brought back in time as he gets younger and younger and then back to his birth in Germany.My favourite part and idea of the book is when the author simply states that he wants to slow things down, he wants things to stop with some pauses, he would like a semi colon and then the last sentence is structured in such a way that there is a semi colon.

The book deals with the Holocaust which is considered the "central event of the 20th century". Amis goes backwards in an attempt to show the irony of the ideology behind the Holocaust, which was apparently that killing was a healing process- clearly people are mental.

Basically the book is arse ways- it is all about how we would be better off to live a full life and then dies as babies. So the arrow of life is going in the opposite direction.

I give me a first.

Monday

I needed to write something this week and not be opinionated- that was my aim.

I failed miserably.

Friday

I never know when I am tired anymore and then I stay up too late and immediately regret it once I have looked at the time as I am about to switch off the light in my room. This evening is proving to be no exception to this rule. Having spent much of the day glued to a computer screen I find myself sitting in front of this one... is that irony or stupidity?

Spencer hasn't been working for a couple of days (for those who are not aware- Spencer is in fact my laptop, who I believe is just as good as any member of the royal family...) The last line of keys did not seem to be working, neither was the space bar. But now, now everything is perfect again. What is that about? Was my computer trying to challenge me in some way? Trying to smite me as he knew that I needed him in order to get all the paper tasks done on time? I believe it is all because he is male and this week all males are crap. Cept daddy.

Will there ever be a better person than a girls dad? Will you ever be able to compete? Most certainly not. I love when I ring home and he picks up the phone. It doesn't matter what time it is, if it is raining, bucketing down and I am only half way home and about to get my hair wet- he will always make it seem ok. I guess it comes in that contract he signed those many moons ago.

Now that I look at the time (2.40am), I wish I had shut up way up there....

Bastardy time and how it disappears- tomorrow night in bed by ten.

Saturday

In my opinion, there is nothing worse than waking up with a bad feeling. It makes you feel like the entire day is going to be a waste of bad karma. I think today could be one of those days- I'll need to make a list of what I am wearing so I don't wear the same outfit ever again- then it obviously will never happen again and then we will all be safe. That is the outlook of logic right there.

Monday

One week of college down and I have many achievesments to list, but I wasn't drunk. Problematic......

So the debate of today is: Are women funny? A friend (I use the term loosely.....) stated mere hours ago that women are just not funny. Outraged I defended the fairer of the sexes immediately- but it was not to be. He demanded I give an example of a funny woman and I... choked. There was no-one to think of. One inspirational and funny woman anyone?

Friday

The air conditioning is making the room really cold... and I am never cold, I think the ghost from under the stairs of my new house has followed me onto campus- which is fair enough- he may have abandonment issues, just like the rest of us.

Ever watched Freedom Writers? It's about writers.... with freedom. They are all apparently 15 year old kids- you know the kid, they look like they're well into their thirties.... and they hate Hilary Swank, then they love Hilary Swank then she lets them all down and spends the last ten minutes winning back their trust in a moving mime damien rice video type way. They wasn't enough death in it.......

And the ice-cream never recovered from our walk to the Movie Club, all in all it was a bust.

Thursday

I was working in the airport last night until 3am and I was so sad! The Summer comes to an end and so too does the adventure that was Cork International Airport..... I think I love it there. I love the fact that it's never the same and the same conversation will never be held twice.

We took pictures before midnight in order to... look....cool? (it didn't really do anything for our reps it must be said).

After midnight when I found myself alone I do what I usually do- chat with the car park boys and airport police (apfs are hot for me, just fact,like) and then listen to people complain about how crap the Irish bus service is at 2am while urging the Polish flight to hurry up in my mind. With that in mind I have decided to buy an airline called "cheaper than ryanair,happier than aer lingus and faster than bmi" copyright should not be a problem. All I need is the financial backing, crews, staff and a building.

Pat Keohane has competition right here.

When the last plane lands I have to wait for the out bound to, well, fuck off. Then the watchroom (I like to think God lives there) ring me to tell me that I can go.

"We've past it over to Shannon for the night, so you can go home".

How fitting.

Saturday

Things I'll miss:

The "are you naked Katie?".... just before she enters the room.
Our little bitty landlord being all small about things
The clothes line snapping without notice
The neighbours- particularly Philip. They will miss us too.
Katie opening the door everyday (at around 1pm) and greeting the "morning".
Mandy Moore impersonations.
Hiding the Examiner- They were under the couch or between the couch cushions and wood thing.
Moving around on the couch to maintain the signal on the tv.
Eastenders comment time
Home and Away comment time.
The Muslim!!!!!!!!
The fact that we lived in a lady girl house
The fact that we had a spare room converted into an art studio.
Spencers keen ability to pick up broadband.
The toilet roll famine
The shower
Showering in aforementioned appliance and praying that slippage and broken limbs would not occur.
Getting stuck in the beanbag and not being able to get back up.
Trying to open the letter box with the biggest knife available to us.
The attempt at American Football in the house and on the street.
Katie's random interpretive dance to anything noise worthy.
Her impression of advertisements heard on the television (tone deaf..cough).
Stalking my neighbour who is having an affair.
Being recognised as the only two persons under the age of ninety on the street. Other than the toddlers.
The kids thinking it is cool to use my garden as a DUMP, PLAYGROUND AND SOCIAL RING. I was cool with it like.

Wednesday

I have never been terribly academic and that would be what has led to my downfall- I think....

But I have to study about Bushman Rock art- in caves to be more precise. There is a people called South African Bushmen, or San people who decided that they were bored due to a serious lack of MTV an decided that the best way to spend their days was to draw/paint and engrave randomly on walls, all over the Kalahari desert (post 400AD- naturally). They had numerous process's to create petroglyphs on walls- Pounding (bashing a hard rock off a flat rock surface, it wasn't a tidy process by any means, it was ragged and had a blurry outline) and Pecking is whereby the san people hit one hard stone off another in a hammer chisel type way and that pecked out the ships in the wall....... It is all very fascinating.

But having read about these people in the last couple of hours I cannot go without saying that they are obviously bloody mental. They loved an antelope called an Eland just because it was fat for god say, they thought there was something perfectly fantastical about it- obviously not supporters of the size zero generation. They also had a trance like state that they loved to reach, even though it made them suffer from awful nose bleeds and they looked like plonkers during the trance, kneeling down and bending forward with their arms outstretched behind them and for some unknown reason they had a finger pointing forward.

There is this archaeologist David Lewis Williams (aka: the idiot to wrote too many articles while high) who believes that we cannot understand the art of these people without understanding the people themselves..... yes... quite.

Am perfectly aware that this blog is ridiculously nerdish, but I will not apologise for it.

We must all be educated on the important matters.

Friday

Ah now....

I just realised that I speak to myself when I am typing, writing and in general doing things.... strange......

I have spent the day reading about prehistoric San Art on the internet and I am still none the wiser on the whole issue, there is no-way I care enough about David Lewis Williams to write a reassuring or convincing 2,000 words. Maybe I should write him a letter and tell him how boring his career is and then attempt to steer him i the right direction... that could be more productive right now....

I changed to Meteor- it was the cheap Michael O Leary streak in me....

Everytime I do a spell check on this thing the abc larky dude tells me that I am spelling internet wrong because I will not give it a capital I..... well I point blank refuse to....

internet,internet,internet,internet,internet....HA

Tuesday

I can't sleep- it's 3.30am and I am this close to just starting my day "slightly" on the early. Is that normal?

I finished Harry Potter yesterday morning and I think I spent the last 300 pages sobbing..... how one person can have so much imagination is just amazing, the fact that she knew how it would end even before she finished the first is fantastic. i do envy her the talent. But not the fame or attention she has received in recent years.

I don't know why she had to make everything so difficult for Harry (yes this is a blog about Harry Potter....), as in why did he have to be a orphan, being raised by relatives who didn't love or even like him and barely fed him. I know the descriptions of the Dursleys was sometimes amusing yet I think the fact that they were so horrible mad me hate the life Harry must have had before we met him. But what is even worse is- he didn't have a life before we met him. How much does that suck? I am obviously 12.......

Does that mean though that people who have the more difficult life will end up the successful one? Cause if it is then I am sorted.....
While idle online I spent 26euro on a Harry Potter audio book, which is something I really shouldn't have done. It's not that I can't afford it- but I feel that the guilt should have hit me, I should now be cursing myself for my careless spending. But the only reason I am feeling guilty is because I have no guilt.

Who decided that money was going to be important in the first place? I think it is a stupid fixation and when I become leader of the world I will burn all money and we will go back to the good old days of barter- be prepared. I would start raising chickens now to avoid the rush.

Thursday

No news is good news makes no sense? Is it the fact that we know there is bad news and we don't know the specifics that make us happier? Now don't get me wrong ignorance is bliss for me just as much as you but the whole not knowing the bad but knowing that something is wrong can't be good..... can it?

I think we only listen to what we want to hear anyway and even if we are being told something terrible we take the good out of it and put the nasty thoughts into the back of our minds..... we don't need to dwell on them or some such nonsense.......

The reason "No news is good news" just came into my head? Someone asked me if I had had my exam results yet..........

Monday

I am working in the Connolly Building ALL DAY- how wonderful and soul crushingly fantastic is that?

With the start of the Summer comes my reading list, which I must revise as it was written at Christmas time and it would seem that I have read most of what I had planned to in the next two months. I brought number eight in the "Series of Unfortunate Events" with me to work. As far as I am concerned everyone in the world who is or might become an orphan should read these books, they may depress you, but they will also help you deal with snake bites, evil relatives and leech's. My favourite character is the eldest daughter Violet- she invents things when she ties her hair up. I wish I invented things when I tied my hair up.

Today is my favourite kind of weather day- it is nice and Sunny but there is this nice cool breeze, so the air is awful and heavy. I hate when it is so hot it isn't nice to go outside. I believe the meteorological term for such things is "yucky".

On Wednesday I move out of the Manor and head home to Waterford for a couple of days to sort out all the rubbish I have accumulated in the last year before moving back up to Spice. I am not buying ANYTHING this Summer.

Well..... you know.. bar the new Harry Potter- am not an animal after all.

Thursday

Try the new caramel McFlurry yet? Not to shabby......

examinations ceased being a problem for me this evening as of 6pm. I handed up that paper like a son of bitch... then wanted it back almost immediately for fear it was ridiculous wrong- as in all of it.

I start fighting the terrorists (aka: working in the airport- information desk) on the 5th of June. But now I wish I was going home! What is that about? Last year I didn't want to miss a breath of Cork City- it'll take a week or two but I'll get into it. Am spending a Summer of love in Spice with Ali, Katie and Sarah. The sun better stay shining like it did throughout the exams.

I spent much of the evening talking about cars and insurance, as you do when you turn into an old woman for apparently no reason. I have come to the conclusion that everything we want and need in this world is far too expensive and what we can afford is absolute shite- therefore from now on I propose anyone who makes a little extra cash during the week give it to me and never mind trying to buy any form of happiness with it because it won't work. But if you give it to me I will be wonderfully gracious and I will also possibly do a little money dance which will allow for hours of entertainment for the dancer and the dancee.

Watching planes today- trying to decide which one I will borrow from the airport, they can just take the rental fee out of my wages- seems like an investment if you ask me.....
There are four, possibly five flies swarming around my living-room. This cannot be a good thing can it? Erin has gone to bed, Cat is working the night shift, Jones is gone out socialising and Chris abandoned us all for "work placement". I sit here....... hoping that although what I should be studying is in another window it will somehow be transported to my brain, some kind of osmosis...... cough.

I loved this house, family, manor. For the first time in a long time I felt comfortable and comforted when I came home. I loved the fact that my friends were a tap on a bedroom door away. It is great- I'm past tensing it because I am thinking about moving out next week.

I should be studying the technological development of medieval Europe. I should know about the evolution of gun powder and ship rudders- but I don't. I might in twelve hours, but not right now.

Erin and I have taken to late night strolls. starting off at 11.30pm and just walking until we can justify stopping. The procrastination period has hit an obvious all time high this season. Last night we walked up hills, down alley ways and browsed the streets of Cork that we were not familiar with..... it was really strange, I had never seen the department of Music before. The things you learn when you take the time.

I should turn off the tv, turn down the music and hit the hay. I need to focus for tomorrow- it is my LAST EXAM and I need to ready, this exam is the one that has to make me one hundred percent positive..... it really does.

Wednesday

I got 37.5..... that's not even a number.... emailing powers that be as we speak..... powerful bastards.

Friday

Irish Rock Art anyone?


It always interested me- I swear- I mean who wouldn't wanna know why some idiot vandalised NewGrange, of Loughcrew, Coomasaharn or Clonfinlough? I for one take a special thrill in knowing that these people could have been taking notes, wanting to give us insight into their lives before we came along and covered the country in Tayto bags... Or I am being sarcastic and lent has taught me nothing. Six of one half dozen of the other I say....

I am concerned about these two exams, I worry that my brain will not pick up the pace and tell me about the Jomon people when I beg it to. God bless Waffling I say.

And then of course we have Thomas Davis, Isaac Butt and Sheridan Le Fanu afterwards..... pack of wankers if ever I saw them...... or read about them, or studied their ugly faces. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU THINK WE AREN'T AS SMART AS THE BRITISH... well, I do, like, but it isn't in my top five things to do today.......

Ah- when this is all over I will take up drinking during the day......
I could have been massively important in another life but we will never know.


I had a busy week full of all the worries of the stupid student. Firstly, my credit card- I knew it was maxed out, they knew it was maxed out and Mr. Credit Card certainly was aware that he had put on weight... so then why did BOI up my limit to €500 without telling me? This scares a person with a weak constitution. I have a serious fear of bank clerks, I believe them to be trolls and my experience in the last week has not changed such thoughts.

Me walking cautiously towards the sliding glass window of doom, making no eye contact, troll bank woman #1, knowing full well I was a poverty induced student looked like the metaphorical cat who got the cream.....

ME: "Hi..... I was just wondering if I could speak to someone with reference to my bank account please?"
Troll: "Well before we do anything so I will need your bank account number won't I?!"
Me: "Sure, it's ..........."
Troll: "Oh right I see now... yes- what is the problem?"
Me: "Well I have no problem really, only that I would like yo close the overdraft on my account and I would like to discuss my loan payments with someone, if I could just make an appointment please?"
Troll: "Not possible until I have gone through all your details I'm afraid" (for the record I know she wasn't afraid.....)
Me: "Well all my bank details should be right in front of you, along with the asides I have..."
Troll: "Right give me a minute so please"

So she scuttles off into her cave and I stand there waiting to hear the worst, perhaps the bank manager has arrived to kick me out of the bank for being a laughing stock? Perhaps they know about the loan arrears and wish to have me communicate with the fishes? Maybe they know how poor I actually am and want me to wash floors and be the bank slave for the rest of my life? With all these thoughts running through my head it wasn't hard to imagine that I would not notice the troll-like thing returning. She looks at me through the glass with the same apprehension I give myself every morning and then she begins to type furiously....... Why is she taking so long?

Troll: "Ciara I will need to see your atm card, you seem to be very unsure of your bank details."
Me: "Pardon? I just told you my bank account number! I verified my address and asked to make an appointment. If it's too much trouble I can ring my branch to arrange a meeting there."
Troll: "Are you currently holding a student account?"
Me: "Yes..."
Troll: "Right well I think it would be best if you came back tomorrow to arrange a meeting"

Exasperated I turn to leave and catch a glimpse of troll woman and newt like man beside her exchanging smirks. I take one step back to the counter and see the flashing "what did you think of my service today?" the rebel in me pressed on the "very poor" switch.

Ha... that learned her....
I write mostly on Hotel Paper........ Michelle Branch- good album, I give it 4 stars.

Eurovision is going to hit the television this evening, I actually quite like the Dervish entry..... Tell no-one that was said.

There is this match making festival or something on in Galway this weekend, apparently that is where the majority of single people find themselves, Galway. Maybe it's because it's so pretty there that people do not lust after flesh.... or, perhaps they are all just really ugly.

I'm listening to the radio at work, Today FM to be more precise with you, I used to listen to the radio all the time before I came to college, I had a real soft spot for Ryan Tubirdy on 2FM in the mornings, but then he left turned into an adulterous bastard and sold out to television, my opinion of him has somewhat changed since then.

Have I gloated to you about my O2 magic? They email me a €50 voucher for my loyalty, I can spend the voucher online in the O2 shop. So like any normal person I went through my change bowl in my room and when I had accumulated €9 I went to the bank, lodged it and then paid said amount off my credit card. Phone costs me under a tenner and I get €80 call credit- I love this country......

Have no exams for a week, this means I can study at a nice pace rather than panic..... doesn't it? Alternatively I could just spend the entire week panicking..... seems far more proactive......

Ha.... when I just did a spell check on this thing Galway was spelt wrong as far as the blogger is concerned and the alternative was Galloway... fancy that....

Tuesday

Definition of a student desperately seeking solace?

She watched clips from last weeks Late Late Show on the RTE website during her student break in the hope that Pat Kenny and guests will start discussing Virginia Woolf, or the Mycenaean society and then it will not all have been for nothing. Why didn't Jane Austen or Woolf or Plath take up archaeology? A little bit of compromise is not too much to ask.......

My exams start in ten hours- I still remain calm about this whole situation, I should obviously be kicked very hard. Most people who have an exam plan on having a good eight hours sleep before the blessed event, but oh not I. Fear not- the all nighter is not in vain, I am actually getting quite a bit done- even if some had no faith. I have two exams on the opening day and I cannot wait until it is over and I can come home and hide in my room, I cannot be present when people start dissecting the exam. I cannot stand when people start asking "and what did you get for that answer?"..... it's why I have the urge to bring a large stick to the exam centre with me.

Oh lord- Colourblind by Counting Crows just came on the ipod, it's a sign from God. The most depressing funeral song ever played as my academic career DIES? Doubtful, a super power such as God would never be as concerned.......

It's really windy outside. I sit at my desk with the curtains open and there is a tree blocking more than half my view into the courtyard, it is shaking, almost like it's nervous about something. Maybe the tree is picking up that exams are here and no-one will smile for the next three weeks. Or maybe said tree is chuckling so hard at all of us that he shakes, or maybe the tree is blowing in the wind......

hmmm... The last lyrics of aforementioned depressing lilt.... "I am fine....."

Fitting..... hopefully

If examing it up in the next short time- good luck...... break academia nuts.....

Wednesday

Where the hell is my life going?! It moves way too quickly, not giving me enough time to catch my breath, never mind actually getting anything done- I am pulling an all-night at present moment- essays that need to be done, they do not seem to be doing themselves (even though they have been given more their fair share of time).

The study month has come and gone and I have little if anything to show for it- but I remain quietly confidant... it's the moron in me.

The fact that I am actually listening to itunes, have youtubes open in another window and have CSI on in the background does not let my essay completion ambition any less strong, for in fact I have ANOTHER window open and in that window is 300 words.... 300 words of absolute RUBBISH that will have to be all changed, but I refuse to admit that for the next ten minutes- then it will be 2.30am and God will have done the essay for me, just to put me out of misery.

I watched an entire episode of Lizzie MacGuire today- why am I confessing such a thing? Well, I had never purposefully watched it before, now I can justify that Duff girl being a bezillionaire and why I am going to Penneys for my underwear...... well sometimes I do upgrade to Dunnes, but you get the idea.

I recommend every person watch at least one silent film in their life- random I know, straining off the topic, something I rarely do (!). But I have just finishing re watching Erich Von Stroheim's The Wedding march on youtube. I was into it- very sexual and I don't even think the randy director meant it-that or he is some kind of pervert and we should never speak of him again.

Oh how appropriate Amy Winehouse and "Rehab" has just blared it way through my speakers- no, no, no......... She has alot of facial hair to be made trustworthy- lets just speak the truth.

I have a massive problem with Spanx today.... if you have no idea what I am talking about let me explain- they are underwear that hide the sins on a woman's body. The idea came to this blonde stick insect when she heard oprah whinging about something or other on t.v. and Now she has made over 100 million euro. I suppose I should admire her... or buy her a sandwich.

Oh- ten minutes will be up by the time I upload this thing.... essay- onward and upward I say....

Thank God for spell checker....

Tuesday

I really can't motivate myself to study today- it's terrible! I opened my books, sorted out my pens (do not ask why) and turned on my computer... all ready.

So what stopped me? Did I need to clean the mirror in my bedroom? Did I absolutely have to sort through the newspapers in my room? Did I have to watch Sky News headlines for the second time today? All of the answers are a resounding No....

Oh I could be doomed to failure.....

Then I had to go to work, which is where I am located right now and when the mood to study strikes it will have to beaten back down.... way down, my priorities are the ink cartridges right now. Oh wouldn't Mother be proud.

Best Friend Boy #1 has finished his exams as of yesterday, lucky blighter- am considering having having him taken out, there he was, drunk, in the living room happy out while I tried to understand why Fanny Price was such a wimp- and a wimp she was, or so spark notes tell me.

My brother just text me asking how I was getting on. I replied with "I believe it is the end of the world as we know it in terms of my academic career, I have a temperature of about 300 and I cannot find my house key".

His response:

"Gr8! C U Fri!"

bastard.....

Thursday

I ask alot of those "what would you do to save my life..." kind of questions. I like to test the boundaries of my friendships. It's not a reassurance issue, as I once thought it was. I am merely narrowing down how God plans on endangering my life. It's interesting some of the answers I get.....

Today I work in a basement when the sun is shining and making everyone happy and smiling, in a karmaric world I should be pissed, but I don't actually mind working. I make money and I get to bebo stalk... oh and I "study". I also ring my mother to see how she is in this world. Funny lady that one. "Gimme a minute while I strain the spuds"..... I swear the same thing was said to me when I was seven years old and I wanted her opinion on my 14 plaits that I had weaved into my now aching scalp....

Some things will never change and for that... I am happy.....

Saturday

I started uploading music onto my itunes at 1am in order to make myself feel more productive and sleep worthy.

I have turned 21 this week and I do not honestly feel any different- I still like lollipops, smile when I get a text, think the dark is scary and jump when best friend boy #1 scares me. Maturity is in the eye of the beholder or something... I think I could be blind. This is not a metaphor- I was in at specsavers today, I lost my glasses about three months ago and am now plagued with headaches- so off with me for the eye test- opticians are great- they stare at you, turn on and off lights and then tell you because you read and use the computer so much you will need a 4 million euro prescription.... honest to God that is the price of these things.

Spent sometime today discussing what is wrong with children in this age- I believe we actually used the phrase "in my day".... that's when it's time to shut up.

My parents are amazing- I just want to say that. They overcome EVERYTHING and then they manage to celebrate everything, even a birthday that shouldn't be that concerned with. If I am half as good a parent I think I will be delighted- sentimental for just a second I guess......

Most important thing about my birthday is I got a set of bongos......... yep.... and they go between my legs.

Tuesday

Everything is getting on my nerves today- am sitting here typing this and someone is eating a bag of crisps... and I believe I want to have them killed if they crunch ONE MORE TIME.

It has been so long since I have blogged it up properly- been really busy with the show (which went fantastically well) and also just in general. Everytime I meant to type something here I would log in and then there would be nothing in my mind that I felt like writing about.

And yet alot of things have happened!

Have you ever overshared- known you shouldn't have and even said as much to the person you were ranting at and yet when you have finished you felt better? That happened to me- the big gay that I am. I just started talking and before I knew it I had shared everything! I didn't mean it and I had no idea how it started but yes... I was a girl. I am between two minds whether it was a good move or not.

hmmmmm

Monday

I think that I appreciate more if I get less- it makes sense I swear! Think about it..... if you were to keep getting presents for absolutely nothing then the most thoughtful of gifts can go unnoticed.

I have a job interview tomorrow morning and it best go well- otherwise singing on the streets is where you will see me next- and you won't be paying me to continue. Important girl #1 and I thought it would be a fantastic idea to dye my hair all manners of bright shades- shame the job interview was not at the front of our thoughts, covering over this mess will be a challenge let me tell you! But as ever we will hurdle on through it- the worst that could happen? My hair falls out... but don't worry- I have a excellently shaped head.

Wednesday

Ever wonder what the hell is going on around you? nah... me neither

So very important thought- Justin Timberlake wants to kill young Scarlett- I'm telling you, his new song has just hit my ears via headphones and I believe there to be some sort of mysterious threat like tone to it...... pop music CAN be deep, or just disturbing.

I passed Olde English- this is a major deal to me. The reason I had to repeat this dam year in the first place, but of course there was a cringe worthy moment. In I walk to the English Department- anticipating the worst and the office is locked- it is a sign from God I thought- I am in fact doomed and will remain in this second year limbo for another 47 years (for that is how long one will end up in hell for- you will never know if I made that fact up or not). So I hike further to my Jane Austen class and ponder on my life. I felt screwed to be honest, I sat beside a girl who did not know me and I would imagine now never wants to! I had this vacant expression on my face the entire two hours, I was shaking inside and out with worry and also kept asking questions about Mansfield Park- when I panic I cannot shut up. I bit down on my lower lip so hard it actually begged for mercy..... oh it was a long class I tell you. But then I checked my phone with ten minutes to go and saw a missed call. Oh my God- it's the English Department and they want my half arsed stupidity out of this college......... I wait the ten minutes and then return the phone call that went something like......:

ME: "Hi, This is Ciara Guiry here, I received a call from this number"
ED: "Oh hi Ciara, I was just ringing with regards to your Olde English exam"
ME: *big sigh "Yes......"
ED: "I just wanted to know if you had a cert for last year on file or is this exam capped for you?"
ME: "As far as I know it is capped"
ED: "Oh right- that is grand so, thank you."
ME:" Wait! Have they been corrected?"
ED: "Yes they have"
ME:" Did I pass?"
ED: "You did indeed"
ME: "Oh Sweet Jesus"
ED: "Sorry?"
ME: "Thank you!"

DIAL TONE.....

It was actually better than phone sex

Friday

Dear Santa,

I am more than painfully aware that your festive time has passed.... HOWEVER, I just saw a really pretty relic in my archaeology notes and I want it. This is just a passing thought, expect similar demands and soon.....

Sincerely,
Snoozey

It's 4.20am and I have an Olde English Exam in 6 hours... give or take. If you know me you will know that this is the subject that caused all those problems last year- the repeating and all that wondrous jazz. So I decided I didn't deserve to sleep in order to just make sure I know what I'm doing when I get in there in the morning. First things first is to pray, then write and then pray some more.

I feel happy for people that do well! Even people I am not thrilled about in life! I always thought that made me a great person- but I think (at this hour anyway!) that it just makes me a little less ambitious.... cough. I'll forever smile at Van Dutch footwear and no-one will ever understand! If I tried to explain it would be futile.

Oh, a housemate has returned for the evening- lets call him whore #1.

Why are boys so slow? clueless and all-round idiots? It's a question that you should answer in your head before even attempting to articulate- otherwise you will end up like me and the moral of today is: THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING.

I'm going to go learn about Anglo Saxon warfare- why? Because I am just that cool....
Today is not the best day- I think people expect too much of others- take hypothetical situation of Friday. cancelling prior engagements due to professional situations is not always a purposeful task, why must we take things to the extreme we do? I mean- grrrr

I have a cold- you know the kind, nasty head cold that hurts ones face, yet you sound fine. I hate that- at least if I sound terrible I can get suitable sympathy, but right now that is not the case- if I survive the next 24hrs you'll be the first to know.

Saturday

If you didn't know me I would imagine that you would consider me a rambling idiot with bad spelling (I NEVER proof read this thing for fear I will delete it). So literally- what you see is what you get with me. I just spent some time with important girl #1 and I believe that the answer is in the fact that superficiality may run deep in people, but that is because they are shallow. We were talking about just that and how everything happens for a reason- we are also walking cliches! But I agree with that statement, to a degree....! What is the harm in the flawed person standing in front of you being all you get- why pretend? why lie? why try and make more or less of a person? Oh the deepness of my conversations knows no end.

I have yet to venture back into the philosophical bathroom cubicles near work- but there was one line on the wall that I remember.....

"This wall won't give any of us answers- it just leaves the questions idle"

could be because I wrote it..... cynic

Wednesday

So I have been feeling icky of late- that is the medical term for such things. While at work I had to avail of the ladies room, it was my first time in this particular cubicle (maybe it's like when you go into a new church for the first time, you should make a wish?) anyway, there was much scrolling on the walls from past ladies and I became immersed in everything that was being said. People were in love, in hate, drinking to much, eating too much, not eating enough, taking drugs, hating friends and loving them too much. It made me think that life is really the same for everyone. We all have the same setup but we just change our own properties. These girls were all in the same boat ASWELL as the same cubicle...! They all wanted to be helped by strangers, no one goes to friends for help anymore and I know why. I would not like to be seen as weak among the people I love the most, the people I trust the most and the people who spend the most time with me. Does this mean that strangers know us better than we do ourselves? I hope not, but I think in many of the cases on the wall that is the truth. I planned on replying to some of the problems and just saying "know exactly how you feel"... but who am I to talk? Then again... who is anyone.....

Friday

The simplicity of life has somewhat changed in recent times.... I plan to be less ambitious- more thriving in the world.... la la la la

Wednesday

I am just listening to Martin Luther Kind Jr give his "I have a Dream" speech (28th of August 1963) in Washington at the Lincoln memorilia- imagine having such power with words that you are quoted and immortalised just with the use of your words? I presume many at the time this speech was first heard was considered some kind of radical rant- not some kind of (hopeful) look into the future.

My Resolution to myself... saying No a little more often is NOT going as well as it could be but I do think I am getting stronger all the time. And eventually if I do not like you, you will here me scream at you before you can see me- it's something to look forward to.

We have been studying Jane Austen in class- apparently she was a gothic writer wih bad punctuation- isn't that great?! I mean possible one of the greatest female writers ever- but, eh, she's not great like. Great Gas altogether.

Tuesday

Ah the wonders of technology-

Here I lie in bed, trying to read "The Changeling"- it is not happening for me whatsoever, I blame the fact that I have no interest in reading anything right now- why is it when one must become motivated one finds it far far easier to organise notes, hoover the carpet or name all ten fingers (creative.....)


Life has gotten very hectic and I feel as if I may actually fall behind it and never catch up, a part of me is not too bothered about it, but then the other side of me (the crazy side I would imagine...) feels as though I have only got one opportunity to do everything and in order to have some sense of achievement then I have to complete each task. I have to stop making lists.... very bad for me.

This evening I was very motivated and then someone just pissed me off- not in a subtle way either. A friend had called by and person who can not be named for legal reasons- who was also here, implied I do not make them feel overly welcome, or that I do not want them here- now, sigh. I do not have the sense of duty to justify such ramblings, yet here I am typing away.... I am so indifferent to some individuals it is rather fascinating.

hmmmmmm. blogging. an art in itself? or some kind of way for the government to find out who is crazy......