Weight of the words.

It is not because other people are dead that our affection for them grows faint, it is because we ourselves are dying. Marcel Proust.

I read that this morning when I took a break from house hold chores. It made me sad in a way. I wondered if it was in fact true. The person gone is perhaps not the person lost at all? I don't like that notion at all! It makes me think I am wasting something. I shouldn't sleep in, I shouldn't read that book for a second (or third) time, I shouldn't turn up the television because the birds outside are chirping over the modern drone....

But then- that might be another wrong way of looking at it. There are a multitudes of ways to mess up- so surely in that same vein there must be as many ways to get it right.

I know I have more than one smile, more than one tear and DEFINITELY more than one mood. So maybe I'm not dying Proust. Maybe I am growing further out of field.

The moral might be to perhaps not weigh too heavily on the words a man wrote while he was probably still in bed...

And the week that has been..

I feel drained in a way, yet completely rested and calm. It's a ridiculous paradox in a stream of alot of mid day naps, day dreams and searches. Spending over €40 in a second hand bookshop solely on poetry books was the most rewarding part of the week. Realising I don't HAVE to be someone's beck and call at every turn. Find your own feet in a place that's scary- it's all ok to do.

New places to see and go to are helping me tolerate myself alot more. Travelling can be a solo opportunity- and how bad?!

Sometimes I don't like who I am in Cork city- I feel a little lost and vulnerable. Anywhere else in the world I can get through most situations without having to run to someone for advice- why is that? That place is supposed to be my home! But it doesn't feel like it anymore, I don't have a concrete there- no where to stand comfortably.

But maybe it's my surroundings that is causing the problem- ergo we move out. Albeit we not move far...

In fact... I don't think we're going to need a car for this adventure....