Feb, 1, 2010 (forgot to post)

If there is one book you deem worthy of reading this month, year or decade I would lobby it to be Schindler's Ark. You stomach it without tasting metal in your mouth at every injustice over every leaf and I don't think I want you reading what I write.


Today I spent much of my time in solitude. I have not been sleeping due to weird dreams that I refuse to have, in my refusal it seems sleep and the occasional nap has been taken away from me. I can deal with it so long as I get my five to six hours of quiet time every 24 hours.

Perhaps change is the key Watson...

If there is one book you deem worthy of reading this month, year or decade I would lobby it to be Schindler's Ark. You stomach it without tasting metal in your mouth at every injustice over every leaf and I don't think I want you reading what I write.


Today I spent much of my time in solitude. I have not been sleeping due to weird dreams that I refuse to have, in my refusal it seems sleep and the occasional nap has been taken away from me. I can deal with it so long as I get my five to six hours of quiet time every 24 hours.

So I toook the time today to set up a new blog (ooooh shiney) I hear you say. I will add the link onto this page as soon as I have a little archive together.

The mish mash of nevertoolate is all well and good but it doesn't sit well with me when I want to have a tudy and clean piece put together.

I also had a brilliant idea today- not going to actually tell anyone about it just yet, but just know... it's great.

Have you ever...

Had what you thought was a really good idea and then be told it is on fact terrible? And have that person, the bringer of reality, be a paid medical profession type person??

Yeah, me neither.

I write it better than you ever felt it.

My resolution bit the dust five days in. FIVE DAYS. That cannot be a good omen for the rest of the year surely? However I am far too good a mood to let it thwart me. Today is good. I spent the entire night writing- all night long the only sounds were me typing, swearing when I needed to spell check or look something up, pacing a little and sighing contently when it was all out of my head and printed before me. 12,000 words later (give or take syntax.... and grammmmmmar) I am lighter than I have been in weeks. I will never show anyone what it was that made me feel heavier. It's for me, but the fact that I had the follow through to start what I began at 11pm last night gives me hope for this year. Writing in a blog daily will not give me the satisfaction that is desired if I am not writing what I want to be read.

Today I spend it reading and doing exactly what I want to do. Selfish? Almost certainly. Necessary? More so than breathing!

I have spent far too long being concerned with others; friends, family, random peers. They don't care for my opinion, and that isn't being deprecating in anyway, that's just fact. I will try to worry less. Reduce the stress somewhat. Talk to who I want to, be with who i want to see and then see where I feel I am standing after this is somewhat continuous.

No more annual resolutions- who is to say I don't try something for a month and then pick up something new after that? Far more productive and useful for the restless person in me.

The irony of this good feeling.... my internet just died... COUGH. Fear not I copy, I paste, I save...

Sigh.

Definition of a bad day:

While walking to work this morning I trundled across an open and used pregnancy test at the bus stop, it was positive. Beside it was a half eaten bag of crisps. Made me sad...

Jude Law has a bad hair line.

For the first time in our relationship Law's face didn't annoy me.

There I said it.

This isn't a blog, more so a confession, but I have no more to say this evening....

There's nothing on television...

Therefore I am deleting rubbishing from my email... and the lazy blogger in me was grateful to find some ramblings....

Hopeless travel writing attempt.

18th November, 2009.
Krakow, Lesser Poland.
After very little sleep, more than a healthy serving of childish
excitement and far too much hand luggage we have arrived. Katowice
Airport is cold, sterile, overly bright with florescent lighting and
seemingly completely devoid of anykind of polite social interaction.
Tired, cold and a little bit lost in a foreign country we were
released from the airport and found ourselves crammed into the back of
a small blacked out mini bus with the good fortune to be driven by a
man who was more than capable of conversing in Russian. Without a word
of polish we were dropped at Krakow bus station and pointed in the
direction if the nearest taxi. The most important thing to remember
about taxi drivers in a foreign country is that they are more than
happy to help the stranded but they know the longer it will take the
more money they will make. Therefore at 2am this morning we were
privvy to the fast paced conversation of how best to get us to the
main Market square. It took too much time, a bit of money and brute
strength to get us up the three flights of stairs to our ryjneck7
hostel. Ironically we can be found in room 7....

Gasping

With a head held high above water;
proud, stiff and arched.

Blurred by the black spots blinding the vision
the wait would not be long.

The cold waves lapped and splashed off the surrounding walls
the only sound in the place.

Except your breaths.

The darkness was as iced as the water clouding the space.

Your feet are frozen weights fighting your pull,
your fingers,hands and arms as numb as the fear that is holding you there.

Bobbing like a hopeless cork.

It won't be long now.

Day 1...

When people get married I imagine it will last forever. The happily ever after idea. Today I learnt that some married couples aren't like my parents. They may fight at times, my mother may scream at my timid father and he will concede almost immediately and they will make up as if they had never had a disagreement in the first place. They aren't overly affectionate, but it's clear she has no intention of killing him in his sleep which is comforting.

So far my new years resolutions have taken a hit- I haven't, as far as I can see, lost a million pounds, I haven't written my Pulitzer prose today, I didn't walk from town home and I most certainly haven't looked up anything educational online to benefit me...

So far onto a winner.

New Years.... uh oh.

Everyone attempts to think of and keep up a resolution- lose weight, gain weight, exercise more, eat less, read more, watch less television, listen to classical music, swear less... etc.

Mine is to write in this thing everyday, more importantly to make sure it's readable.

I also vow to lose/gain weight, exercise more, eat less, read better books, listen to Chopin.... but I am not telling you that.