Today is the last time I will work in 2006- sweet.

Oh the financial situation of me, terrifying. When did we all become sucj capitalists? is that the right word?

Also when the hell does the twelve days pf Christmas come into it? I do not understand the advent time, well except for the baby Jesus- he was born and then we all had to give up sweets I believe is the point.

I must finish my shopping today- alright-gay. I am noway ready for the festive season- tragedy. But I am prepared for the Christmas season of Home Alone viweing, is there anything better? the answer is no children.

I seem to be surviving quite well in my alone state- this could be because I am not in fact alone, I have lucifer, martin-schmidt and the irreplaceable headcase- they are of the utmost importance for television viewing, laughing out loud at the randomness of the world.

So it's nearly Christmas and I am very poor- I am also extremely lonesome as my manorists have left me to return to their homes. I find myself overthinking things to such an extreme it must be considered dangerous at this stage. I think this is why Santa calls this time of year as some sort of distraction, we get very caught up in ourselves and have to find relief in such a materialistic manner. I love giving presents- but I never know how to react when I receive one- I have the worst expressions ever! I actually recall getting a present about two years ago in the form of some jewelery and I just had no words to express how nice it was and how thoughtful it was- melodramatic much? But I remember being completely immersed in this gift and what it meant and even though the sentiment has been overshadowed considerably since I still look at it and think it to be the most thoughtful gift I ever got.

I think I will sit under the tree for a few hours and become one with the pines- in a totally non sexual manner- of course.

My mam gave me this quote last week from Michael Collins;

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight that counts, rather the size of the fight in dog".

I like it.

I need to study and be concerned about my academic career- yet I remain unchanged about the fact that Anglo Saxon culture can bite me.

I want to be a billionaire for a day- buy all the stocks in the world and then give them away just before I lose all my money again at midnight-

I have been thinking about Cinderella alot today, it being my favourite disney film, and therefore the most expensive to purchase....

If I had a fairy God Mother I am not completely sure I would want her to know that I had a mad raging crush on a Prince, and I had such low self esteem that she had to pimp my ride, because if you think about that is exactly what that part of the story was, except Mad Mike was replaced by mice. And then instead of an engine with 400 million horses in it they got an attractive oversized (genetically modified) pumpkin to help her arrive in style. Once at her ball type thing I believe that the story loses sight of its main goal. I believe the idea was that men will only like the pretty slimline blondes... and that was going well until the story gives Prince "How's Your Father" a bit of a backbone, her social class is apparently of no interest to him. he wants her for who she is, her overpouring cleavage is probably helping immensely at this stage. Then she does the unthinkable, she realises that her flawless prince is in fact boring and makes up some elaborate scheme to leave the party, we have all done it- sorry dude, I have to be home by midnight, otherwise I turn into a pumpkin, har har har.... so she pegs off and falls out of her glass slipper, it's a wonder she survived in them as long as she did but whatever. So then he sees her senseless footwear and sets out to find her and bring her to Clarks to find her something far more sensible- then he'll start a relationship with her fashion designer brother and they will all live happily ever after.

I love the happy endings....

I have concerns:

Some are superficial (I found three hairs on my chin the other day, so I have been calling myself the hair meister recently).

But others are pretty deep- grown up in fact. And I don't like them. In fact I call them growing pains. Saddness does not help study, it makes helplessness come to the fore and then you feel sad for being helpless and helpless for being sad. I don't get why my mind overloads itself during a time when I need to concentrate on Anglo Saxons- I need to know stuff about them in order to raid them, steal their children and create my own empire..... or just pass through this exam as painlessly as possible.

This week I am going to listen to every song in my ipod until I find the one that answers the meaning of life- I'm betting McFly or Busted will be the powerful pieces. Nirvana is for whimps.

What is the answer to a problem you are approached with when you must keep it to yourself, you must advise, yet you know what the solution is? The person doesn't want to listen to your solution. But you know they heard it. The difference with hearing and listening is something relevant in this case.

Pondering is an ugly ideology at 12.50am.

Ah think about the bad days little and over think the good days I say.

Do you think Damien Rice knew that it is depressing to have every single song in an album so slow that you can rate your breathing to the beat? I think he is probably absolutely hilarious and is just messing with my head. This new album of his being no exception- I would still have his babies.... I am easy like that.

Also- My friend Sarah's songs which I added to my ipod recently have this way of making me smile, and be sentimental and sad all at once. If she isn't famous someday there is something wrong with the world. This is not a hopeless plug but I seriously recommend you take a trek to....

http://www.myspace.com/sarahgleesonmusic

Just listen..... you'll like.

Ah yes- a bad day and then an evening with friends is the only way to get over it.

I am finding myself far more romantic or late- a terrible state of affairs- I may even get into the chick flick genre..... maybe not.

Broken promises are going to be a big no no for me this week- so be warned that I will not be tolerating it whatso-and-ever.

I have two boy crushes! It is fantastic! Makes my day when I spot one of them, and then I can pretend I know what they are thinking... theyt want me. They can have me- just in case they are reading this... doubtful.

I miss things more this time of year and I blame that big fat man for this- he dresses in red and thinks he rocks because it is such an unforgiving colour. I don't care what he puts under the tree this year for me- we are not on speaking terms.

I need to cut my fringe apparently..... there's a mirror and scissors right there..... if I am not back in 48 hours begin to worry.

Why do I know all the words to Westlife's "Moments"?
Why am I so sad today?
WHY AM I SO SENSITIVE?
Why did I ever think that thinigs would change so much?
Why have I no credit?
Why is my broadband being so stupid?
Why is it so hot in here?
Why won't this essay write itself?
Why didn't the last essay write itself better?
Why am I not yet rich?
Why am I not yet famous?
Why am I not a size 6?
Why did God decide to down grade?
Why is Christmas the same time as rent due date?
Why won't our front door open?
Why did I let myself start this list?
Why has it been almost a month since I last wrote in this thing?
Why am I not far taller?
Why do I keep singing "A whole new world" over and over in my head?
Why don't I just build a bridge?

Answer all of the following... and get back to me

I don't think there can be such a thing as being overly ambitious? Well at least not when it comes to success......

I love the fact that we can't tell the future, I know that may sound random, but right now I do not want to know, and I don' think you do either. If you are going through a tough time right now (similar to myself), you won't want to know that it can get worse (similar to myself). These things are sent to try us, isn't that what they say? I wish they would stop trying.

I have such ideals for myself and I always mess them up, even the trivial superficial things, this triggers off a string of events and before you know it, the captain must go down with his ship. I hate being the captain. I need happy time and I need time to make the happy time. But I don't have time to make the time for happy time, unless I do a Michael J. Fox on this big royal mess. I aint up for the 80's fashion right now.

It would have been nice to have been sheltered for even a little while.

Ah yes- Monday morning. I rather enjoy Mondays as it is the day I have no lectures, therefore it has been renamed to no-lecture day, expect Hallmark to jump on that marketing wagon any day now. I do however work on a Monday morning, this isn't too taxing on me as I have a partner in crime who assumes the position of quirky sidekick in my reality sitcom (how American of me).

Am pretty dam thrilled with myself today as this week the city is my oyster- if you know me you may understand why! I can go anywhere and do anything and not be roasted- feel it- ELATION.

I really need to buy myself a coat, best friend boy one will eventually kill me for stealing his clothing, I have no remorse about this however as I still remain snug, as a bug, in that rug right there. BUT outerclothing may be an investment on my part. He will start locking his wardrobe and when he does- FRIENDSHIP OVER.

I keep repainting my nails pink- I don't know why. Well actually I lie, I keep repainting nine of them pink and then my right thumb this magnificient shade of scarlett- I call my thumb "hey you"- you know, to give it definition.

I am not as jumpy about planes in the air this week, so long as they keep climbing I'm okay about it.

Mr Darcy had it nail on head when he said his favour once lost was lost forever.

When I was walking to work this morning I looked up at the sky and saw this plane climbing into the clouds after taking off from the airport. For some reason it terrified me. I cannot explain why, but I never felt so uneasy about something. I watched it the entire time as I made my way passed the sleeping shops and over the bridge until eventually I was satisfied enough that it had reached a height of safety. No reason for such thoughts, I was happy enough leaving home munching on my apple but after that I felt unnerved. I still do. Makes about as much sense to me as this blog means to you. But I figure that maybe someone on that flight was having a bad day and when they were flying overhead they transferred some of their lack of faith to me. fair enough. I hope that flight was going to disneyland.

Humour always does it for me, but not people who think they know me because they know my sense of humour. No-one knows anyone else. You are shown just enough to become familiar with that individual, after that everything else is a bonus. For example, you may know my name, where I live and things about my family- but you do not know about my fears, hopes, dreams and all in between- there are very few people privvy to such liberties. Qualifications for such information to be divulged not withstanding good looks is a serious hold all from presumption.

We are all destined fro something, maybe not greatness but there is a design on all of us, and I think that everyone secretly knows theirs and is just not telling. I will becoming a professional sky diver... but keep it mum.

Strawberry ice-cream and wafers, best feeling ever in the world. I think the best thing after it is.. NOTHING. well other than the new website isa(lay) has introduced me to- one tree hill on tap.

Have You Ever People Watched?
It is my best hobby and talent- I can make up the most complicated life situations for each character. Let me give you an example. Walking home from work today, headphones blaring to the appropraite decible- I believe the Beatles were my walking soundtrack. It was raining heavily, puddles bigger than the river Lee- cars driving all over the place (well just the road really), and there was this old man leaning up against a window, smoking a pipe that looked older than me. I imagine he was a fashion desinger in Paris during 40's blazing "power dressing" phase, his closet homosexulaity has lead to his nicottine habit and his children (all seven of them) have put him in numerous nursing homes- he has escaped them all, because when he was in Paris he was trained as a spy- worked for the secret service and can speak 80 languages. He had an affair with the Queen, Dali Lama and George Bush Sr. His life with the last 3 years have consisted of him hiding out in all public houses with a popularity census of under a dozen.

We made eye contact and he gave me a knowing acknowledgement.

If you want my help you have to ask....

I am not a mind reader, despite how much fibre is in my diet. I try as much as possible to read all the signals and pick up on all the vibes thrown around me, but chances are I will miss alot of them. It is due to tha fact that I am rather short. I love that people assume they are at ease enough with me that I can contend with what they are thinking, but I have a secret... I have no idea what is going on around me, unless a person is hostile or affectionate. I'm like one of those child actors from Barney the Dinosaur genre (have no idea why I capitalised Dinosaur, it issues some importance with me no doubt), I will adapt to the imaginary situation that I have constructed in my head- it's a gift.

Today is my epitome of stress and forbodding- all I wanted to do was stay put in my haven of a home and not greet any time of world- no matter how nice the weather seems to be. I look forward to (*checks watch) about five hours from now, and in a swift attempt of denial, which was a huge topic for me last night, I am going to focus on the later afternoon.

Whatever befalls us will only happen once... I hope

Things that I love today.
My housemates; despite the fact that we are all far far too polite to each other and that means that ALOT goes unsaid. It's great, means there is alot more tension during the hungover hours of 9am-5pm. But then alcohol comes into play like a son of a bitch. God speed Vodka... for you show the truth in all it's nasty colours. I think the reason the Irish are blackmarked for the alcoholic beverage intake is because of our honest nature- we have to be pissed if we're telling the truth.

What's my favourite vegetable:
I have thought about this long and hard (I always giggle through that phrase)- I like peppers, but I HATE green peppers, they annoy me, they are all green and awkward smelling and they taste like they have been salted, they actually think they are better than red peppers- such a lie.

Am currently positioned behind a desk, the one place I always thought I could escape from- simply because of my serious lack of appreciation for those solid 9-5's we all know and love. I have a job that requires little, if no knowledge, interpersonal skills or customer service skills. I think the fact that I can stand upright got me where I am today. My mother would be so proud.
I have ruled this out as a future career- I am here with three hours. My stamina is similar to that of a a horny teenager. But I like the quiet time and the fact that I can stay on the internet for ridiculous lengths of time without being judged. The only people that approach me are the ones that are not smiling- why is that? I will always smile at you, my job is to answer any questions you may have, so suck it up and smile, bitch.