If you didn't know me I would imagine that you would consider me a rambling idiot with bad spelling (I NEVER proof read this thing for fear I will delete it). So literally- what you see is what you get with me. I just spent some time with important girl #1 and I believe that the answer is in the fact that superficiality may run deep in people, but that is because they are shallow. We were talking about just that and how everything happens for a reason- we are also walking cliches! But I agree with that statement, to a degree....! What is the harm in the flawed person standing in front of you being all you get- why pretend? why lie? why try and make more or less of a person? Oh the deepness of my conversations knows no end.

I have yet to venture back into the philosophical bathroom cubicles near work- but there was one line on the wall that I remember.....

"This wall won't give any of us answers- it just leaves the questions idle"

could be because I wrote it..... cynic

So I have been feeling icky of late- that is the medical term for such things. While at work I had to avail of the ladies room, it was my first time in this particular cubicle (maybe it's like when you go into a new church for the first time, you should make a wish?) anyway, there was much scrolling on the walls from past ladies and I became immersed in everything that was being said. People were in love, in hate, drinking to much, eating too much, not eating enough, taking drugs, hating friends and loving them too much. It made me think that life is really the same for everyone. We all have the same setup but we just change our own properties. These girls were all in the same boat ASWELL as the same cubicle...! They all wanted to be helped by strangers, no one goes to friends for help anymore and I know why. I would not like to be seen as weak among the people I love the most, the people I trust the most and the people who spend the most time with me. Does this mean that strangers know us better than we do ourselves? I hope not, but I think in many of the cases on the wall that is the truth. I planned on replying to some of the problems and just saying "know exactly how you feel"... but who am I to talk? Then again... who is anyone.....

The simplicity of life has somewhat changed in recent times.... I plan to be less ambitious- more thriving in the world.... la la la la

I am just listening to Martin Luther Kind Jr give his "I have a Dream" speech (28th of August 1963) in Washington at the Lincoln memorilia- imagine having such power with words that you are quoted and immortalised just with the use of your words? I presume many at the time this speech was first heard was considered some kind of radical rant- not some kind of (hopeful) look into the future.

My Resolution to myself... saying No a little more often is NOT going as well as it could be but I do think I am getting stronger all the time. And eventually if I do not like you, you will here me scream at you before you can see me- it's something to look forward to.

We have been studying Jane Austen in class- apparently she was a gothic writer wih bad punctuation- isn't that great?! I mean possible one of the greatest female writers ever- but, eh, she's not great like. Great Gas altogether.

Ah the wonders of technology-

Here I lie in bed, trying to read "The Changeling"- it is not happening for me whatsoever, I blame the fact that I have no interest in reading anything right now- why is it when one must become motivated one finds it far far easier to organise notes, hoover the carpet or name all ten fingers (creative.....)


Life has gotten very hectic and I feel as if I may actually fall behind it and never catch up, a part of me is not too bothered about it, but then the other side of me (the crazy side I would imagine...) feels as though I have only got one opportunity to do everything and in order to have some sense of achievement then I have to complete each task. I have to stop making lists.... very bad for me.

This evening I was very motivated and then someone just pissed me off- not in a subtle way either. A friend had called by and person who can not be named for legal reasons- who was also here, implied I do not make them feel overly welcome, or that I do not want them here- now, sigh. I do not have the sense of duty to justify such ramblings, yet here I am typing away.... I am so indifferent to some individuals it is rather fascinating.

hmmmmmm. blogging. an art in itself? or some kind of way for the government to find out who is crazy......