Apparently this can be published here... Happy New whatever you need, and same the rest.

I have found a lot of comfort in familiarity in the last while. I realised that 2012 wasn't the best year I've ever had- but there is something liberating about the fact that it is done and will wash away with the toothpaste tonight before bed. Years ago I was told that whatever state you find yourself in at midnight on new years eve is the majority of your constitution for the following 12 months, and so that is why I will spend my evening listening to my favourite music, in one of my favourite and safest places and I will be writing- truth be told, for all those who have been around me in recent times that is the best place for me! I will develop on a story that I started with love and am determined that I will finish it with a smile on my face- when the clock strikes, I wish to be so engrossed I will miss the event. I don't mean this in a lack of sociability, I want for nothing when it comes to affection and family- i have wonderful players in my own game. When I was a little girl, I was peculiar small thing. I liked to walk around briskly, I had a very busy head and a loud voice- clearly making up for what was lacking in stature. I am the same in lots of ways now. My father is my yard stick for goodness, my mother my mentor in creativity and my siblings are adored as always but ever so slightly irritating- as they were trained for when in the womb. I've added loves and lost habits, I've picked up and pocketed the most wonderful memories and I have still got so much to learn. For the coming year I make no resolutions as such- but I have a bucket list of temptations I wish to undertake- I will tell very few of it and hopefully this night 12 months from now I can tick a few lines as complete. That is what is so delicious about what is to come! We will have so much time to think about what we will change- the fantasy is limitless, the only restraint we are truly plagued with is reality. Spend all the day daydreaming and work right on through the night; which is the disastrous motto my head contains. We will make decisions and changes and empty promises so hollow the echo is in the very declaration, but all the while there will be a very secret desire held on so tightly that we probably won't even share it with those closest to us. That is what makes us fascinating, we do the same thing every year to be different. I won't fill this idea with cynicism on the day that it is in it- it's not a cynical ideal. We are so desperate to be better in ourselves that we will try and retrain and regroup- which just shows how wonderful the human race can actually be. I, for example, was supposed to make a list and plan about tonight before now and as I sit on a bus, the sky gets darker and I hold onto the notion "well, it's still only afternoon- I have plenty of time", know that I have procrastinated to a fatal execution of productivity once again. Hope and promise are the lights at the end of a year long tunnel, and although we talk about the seasons as if they are passing by in a blink of an eye, we must remember that the longest thing we have is our own existence. To be is to be with the one you are as opposed the one you wish you'd change into.