Is this seat taken?

It is a fair assessment to make that I have a very low tolerance for those people inhabiting my world. I find them needless. I would prefer if people who possess the “messiah” complex keep it to themselves so I do not have to hear about it. I am the mistress of my own universe, I just don’t brag about it. This goes without saying Mr. Man with his shiny watch, new phone with annoying ringtone and over compensating briefcase that has just sat down beside me in the bus as I write this is a prime candidate and example of my point.

He believes himself to be largely more important than the rest of the mere mortals on the public transport system that we are vacated at the moment, he knows how much room he has, like the rest of us he has assessed it upon arrival and he has found it worthy. But elbow room will always be a priority for Mr. Universe and therefore he will have to hit me at least three possibly four times if I count the first minor infraction of his chicken arms invading my space. He then proceeds to place his brief case to his left on the floor. Which is, inconveniently where my feet happen to be connected to the rest of my body- I have always been keenly awkward like that. He sighs repeatedly as some kind of silent complaint towards the situation he finds himself in. He then realises that there are over head compartments above him and that he can avail of such novelties. He stands up and we are now in the face to crotch proximity.


Personally, this did nothing for me. Professionally it made me note that his belt was brown and his trousers were black. Now I realised what kind of person I was dealing with. This was a power driven man in the corporate world who was clearly being dressed by mammy. I smile, and realised that I have been staring at his manly region for more than the adequate evaluation. I replace the smile with a grimace, and turn my eyes back towards the floor in the hope that this gesture alone will warrant him to remain silent for the journey.

I needn't have worried. My counter- part passenger had no intention of speaking to me in the this journey, he did however have every intention of ringing every contact in his phone and discussing in
detail the market value of something or other, the shite present he had gotten from his parents for his birthday (which surprisingly enough was not the aforementioned belt) and the girl from the other
night. This leads me to think all men are filth and have no idea how ridiculous they sound whilst describing "indiscretions". Courtesy of Bus Eireann I found myself with an editorial topic, a new nemesis and countless tongue biting moments.

The worst thing is yet to come. By the time my seat companion had found himself comfortable it was my turn to start packing up my belongings and make a swift departure. He had decided to make it difficult for me, which was very clear. Instead of actually standing up to let me pass he decided to slide his legs out onto the aisle and look at me expectantly. I stared back, waiting for his gentleman ass to stand up. This was not going to happen. I asked politely (as polite as I could) if he wouldn’t mind moving to which he responded with a silent shuffle. From now on I walk.