I have been having the worst dreams. They are becoming alarming more wretched and graphic as the week progresses...

Last night it reached pique with a delightful (I lie) scenario. Me, trapped in a room, a large loud room where no one could hear me or get to me- I screamed so loudly that I somehow managed to puncture a large hole in my throat- I could feel it. It was bandaged up for me, after a girl I went to secondary school with helpfully described it as a vagina....

When I woke up I checked my throat- standing in front of my mirror, muttering to myself that I have lost it.

Thankfully my throat is where it should be.

Other dreams were more surreal, and not as troubling- in fact I shared them all over the world by text, to let people know I was alive and to show them that I'm still... mad.

A few suggestions filtered through- give up cheese, talk to someone, careful what you read before you fall asleep. But my favourite one, from a medical professional...

Can you be normal for like, two seconds? Thanks.