I could have been massively important in another life but we will never know.


I had a busy week full of all the worries of the stupid student. Firstly, my credit card- I knew it was maxed out, they knew it was maxed out and Mr. Credit Card certainly was aware that he had put on weight... so then why did BOI up my limit to €500 without telling me? This scares a person with a weak constitution. I have a serious fear of bank clerks, I believe them to be trolls and my experience in the last week has not changed such thoughts.

Me walking cautiously towards the sliding glass window of doom, making no eye contact, troll bank woman #1, knowing full well I was a poverty induced student looked like the metaphorical cat who got the cream.....

ME: "Hi..... I was just wondering if I could speak to someone with reference to my bank account please?"
Troll: "Well before we do anything so I will need your bank account number won't I?!"
Me: "Sure, it's ..........."
Troll: "Oh right I see now... yes- what is the problem?"
Me: "Well I have no problem really, only that I would like yo close the overdraft on my account and I would like to discuss my loan payments with someone, if I could just make an appointment please?"
Troll: "Not possible until I have gone through all your details I'm afraid" (for the record I know she wasn't afraid.....)
Me: "Well all my bank details should be right in front of you, along with the asides I have..."
Troll: "Right give me a minute so please"

So she scuttles off into her cave and I stand there waiting to hear the worst, perhaps the bank manager has arrived to kick me out of the bank for being a laughing stock? Perhaps they know about the loan arrears and wish to have me communicate with the fishes? Maybe they know how poor I actually am and want me to wash floors and be the bank slave for the rest of my life? With all these thoughts running through my head it wasn't hard to imagine that I would not notice the troll-like thing returning. She looks at me through the glass with the same apprehension I give myself every morning and then she begins to type furiously....... Why is she taking so long?

Troll: "Ciara I will need to see your atm card, you seem to be very unsure of your bank details."
Me: "Pardon? I just told you my bank account number! I verified my address and asked to make an appointment. If it's too much trouble I can ring my branch to arrange a meeting there."
Troll: "Are you currently holding a student account?"
Me: "Yes..."
Troll: "Right well I think it would be best if you came back tomorrow to arrange a meeting"

Exasperated I turn to leave and catch a glimpse of troll woman and newt like man beside her exchanging smirks. I take one step back to the counter and see the flashing "what did you think of my service today?" the rebel in me pressed on the "very poor" switch.

Ha... that learned her....